Beauty and the 7 Beasts

Year:2007
Director:Zhong Qing
Cast:Eric Tsang Chi-Wai, Natalie Meng Yao, Nat Chan Bak-Cheung, Jo Koo, Gordon Lam Ka-Tung, Eddie Cheung Siu-Fai, Chin Kar-Lok, Wong Cho-Lam, Lam Chi-Sin, Eileen Tung Oi-Ling, Emily Kwan Bo-Wai, Wong Tin-Lam, Winnie Leung Man-Yi, Candy Yu On-On, Chiu Tung, Ankie Beilke, Wong Chi-Hom, Lam Suet
Description:
Not content with merely
swiping ideas, Wong Jing goes for the ultimate cinematic
heist: the remake. His latest celluloid larceny, Beauty
and the 7 Beasts, is based on a 1970 film called
The Lucky Seven, though one wonders if the
original was as crass and uneven as this purported
attempt at mass audience crowd pleaser. Aside from
your standard assortment of standard Hong Kong Cinema
faces, including Eric Tsang and Nat Chan Bak-Cheung,
the film offers the debut of Wong Jing's newest discovery,
Natalie Meng Yao, whose generous figure and pure good
looks are supposed to make her an automatic "It Girl".
Has Wong Jing discovered his new Chingmy Yau? Or is
Natalie Meng just another pretty face destined for
one-hit wonder status? And more importantly: is Beauty
and the 7 Beasts a good film?
Automatically, the answer
to that last question is "no", though that judgement is
most definitely a qualified one. Beauty and the
7 Beasts is a member of the illustrious Hong Kong
Cinema genre called "anything goes sloppy comedy",
with the sometimes added bonus of laziness and movie
parodies thrown in. What that means is Beauty and
the 7 Beasts was never meant to be a good film.
Narrative, subtext, storytelling, emotional depth,
style - these things are purposely not employed here.
This is crass stuff meant to appeal to the lowest
common denominator; it's not supposed to make sense,
and attempts to amuse through lowbrow gags and name
actors acting like complete and total loons. The film
succeeds at delivering the above, making it somewhat
of a success, though again, that measure is a qualified
one. Aiming low is not an excuse for making crap.
Taking place in the seventies,
the film stars Eric Tsang as Teddy, a once-popular
actor who is now broke and has to resort to chicanery
to earn some dough. Assisted by his frumpy assistant
Wendy , Teddy takes on five would-be popstars,
who pay him cash to teach them how to act suave and
cool. The lessons immediately tax believability, because
it's a rug-wearing Eric Tsang giving lothario lessons
to a bunch of generally unattractive dopes, played
here by Gordon Lam, Eddie Cheung, Chin Kar-Lok, Lam
Chi-Sin, and Wong Cho-Nam. The five guys mug or sometimes
prance about , while we're supposed
to buy that Eric Tsang is desirable to comely stewardesses,
who all show up at his apartment at the same time
for a quick hop in the sack. Sitcom-style hijinks
ensue, and presumably, we're all supposed to buy in
and find the recycled gags funny.
The plot thickens when the
fleshy Pearl shows up, and reveals
that she's Teddy's daughter. However, that conflict
is tabled when Teddy's rival Rocky
appears, threatening others with his smarmy and annoying
presence. He even develops a thing for Pearl, much
to the disapproval of Teddy's five apprentices. In
retaliation, the five play a prank on him that allows
them the opportunity to search his rectal cavity not
once, but three times in less than ten minutes! Yay.
This incenses Rocky so much that he attempts to bankrupt
Teddy, leading to the sight of Teddy taking on a production
assistant job. Everyone is unhappy that Teddy has
fallen from grace, so they band together to help him
get back what he lost, plus engage in shtick that
parodies The Transformers. There are also a
bunch of bikini-clad babes, one of them being Wong
Jing's biological daughter, plus some attempt at "can't
we all get along" pathos. I would go on, but recalling
more about the plot would only depress me.
Beauty and the 7 Beasts is a total success as a sloppy Hong Kong comedy, because
that's what it is: sloppy and possessing of an exceptionally
Hong Kong-specific sense of humor. The long-winded
verbal exposition, cartoony sets , and
occasionally inspired performances provide some diversion, and
laughs are sometimes had. However, the funny jokes
are frequently offset by long stretches of sheer tedium,
and the actors here are second if not third-tier stars,
negating the fun of seeing big stars act like loons
because, well, these aren't big stars. The film succeeds
at meeting its genre's requirements, but the genre
itself is already pretty shoddy. With expectations
this low, you better be able to hit the mark more
than 80% of the time, otherwise you've probably failed.
This film hits the mark about 40% of the time. That's
not a good thing.
Another minus is that sexy
new star Natalie Meng isn't very sexy or interesting,
a killer combo since she's the focus of the film's
marketing. Thankfully, she doesn't do all that much,
but that still goes against the film's marketing.
Basically, this movie sets up expectations it can't
follow through on, meaning that it's bad. The final
nail in the coffin is the identity of the director,
Zhong Qing, which is really a pseudonym for someone
who wanted his name taken off the movie. That someone
is actually Chung Shu-Kai, who once made the terrible
Feel 100% 2003, as well as a little cinematic
gem called Nine Girls and a Ghost. At this
point goodwill should be so low that I'm forced to
bring up some positives simply to create balance in
the universe. One high point is an end-credit musical
sequence that's surprisingly funny. Also, the film
features bizarre Andy Warhol-like paintings of Eric
Tsang and Nat Chan that are ripe for giggles. The
numerous body cavity searches may be a delight to
those who find anal intrusion to be the height of
hilarity. Another positive is you can simply choose
to watch something else. You may thank yourself later.